Illness

I have gotten sick again.  My two year old is a germ attracting machine, and we all are sick in my house.  The difference this time is that I am not letting that affect my workouts.  Which sucks.  Seriously.  Because you try to scale further, and you try to play it safe, but that's not what Crossfit is about.  Crossfit is about getting yourself into uncomfortable situations and finding some way to persevere.  I have found that place this week, but it was not so fun.  In fact, it was pretty painful. 

Wednesday WOD was just nuts.  I woke up and immediately wanted to go back to bed.  I know this feeling and I could see the threat of missing class coming from a mile away.  I avoided that feeling.  I knew I just needed to get there.  So I got in my car, stuffy headed and all, and went to the gym.  I immediately told Brett, looking for a little sympathy during the WOD, but no such luck.  I felt that he understood why I might not be at my fullest that day, but it didn't mean that my workout changed in one bit. 

After what seemed like an exceptionally difficult WOD, I was there lying on the floor like usual (like most of my MM friends can attest to) and just felt drained.  Not tired, not sore, just drained.  I heavily pushed more water than usual and kept my (heavy) head held up high for staying the course.

Friday WOD was more than expected (see picture to the left).  The other caveat to this workout was the addition of holding a plank position while your partner completed their workout.  I don't know about everyone else, but partner/group training is one of my least favorite things about Crossfit.  I hate the days that you have the total group, or even a partner or two, relying on you to keep up so they don't get left behind.  As one of the heaviest and slowest people in class, this kinda stresses me out.  It means that my partner pulls extra slack because they got stuck with me.  It means that at the end of class, we are going to be one of the last ones to complete the workout.  Any Crossfitter knows what happens next.  The entire room stands around and cheers you on.  This is a great feeling when you first experience it.  After the tenth time this happens, you just wish you weren't the center of attention when you are at your weakest (each and every time).  It's why I used to scale like crazy to try and not be the person left at the end.  I have kept my intensity up since my last blog post revelation, so no more scaling out of fear.

I feel that this blog post is not my best, but I wanted to keep up with it, just like I am keeping up with my workouts.  I have to stay focused to get on top of my health and fitness goals!  Thanks again Crossfit!

Tri-State Throwdown

I went to my first event this week at ACF, the Tri-State Throwdown.  I planned to come to the event just to see what it was all about.  I have been pretty amped up recently, so I wanted to keep that momentum.  I emailed KeHo and volunteered my time, thinking that this whole thing would be over by 10:30am.  Shortly before I left, my wife told me that she heard on the radio that people should stop by in the afternoon and check it out.  YIKES!!  Man, I hope they don't need me all day - I shouldn't leave my pregnant wife alone with my 2-year old all day.  After five years of marriage, this much I know.

I showed up and was completely surprised to see the parking lot pretty full.  I walked in and found Wendell, a buddy from my 5:45 Morning Mayhem.  He also emailed Kevin and was there to help.  So, we helped to get people registered and handed out waivers to the out-of-towners.  There was a lot of excitement in the air.  All the competitors I knew were happy to see and friendly face and know that there would be some sort of a cheering section for them. I started to feed off of the vibes of the competitors.  I wanted to do a WOD.  I was excited to see what the hell was going to happen.

Judges (and volunteers) meeting at 8:20.  This was my favorite part of the day.  To see my coaches and my trainers being a part of this and making sure that they were all on the same page.  They were joking about their most regular criticism to competitors to "open your hips".  The crowd was full of cheer and desire to keep the day fair and consistent.  I am always amazed with Brett.  He volunteered to be the example for the group of how to properly perform each exercise, and kept the fun times going.  After the laughs, the benchmarks were set, standards discussed, and a genuine feeling of excitement was billowing down the hall into the triple-wide.  

I have to salute these judges, there were a lot of tough calls they had to make throughout the day, and they made them with no bias and with all the encouragement they could muster.  They wanted their competitor to succeed.  I saw what happend when someone gets stuck on an event.  That judge just stands around and waits.  The best of the judges were encouraging, and just like in our regular classes it seemed to help.  

These competitors are amazing! One of the women who was from out of town was doing her first round WOD in front of me.  I mean, like inches from me.  I tried my best to stay out of the way, but could not help but watch her for most of the round.  I could not believe what I saw about halfway though the WOD.  4:30 out of 8:00 to be precise.  She got caught up on #3 out of 6 of her HSPUs.  Those things are murder, and I completely understand, but I counted her out.  I figured that if she was somehow able to get through this 6, there is NO WAY she could do any more.  To my surprise and shock, she finished those six.  And then she went on to complete two more full rounds after that!  Maybe I need to change my own mindset...

 

It's easy to say that her performance heavily influenced my thinking about my own intensity, and made this morning's WOD a little different.  Normally, I try to keep my pace, even if I am being pushed harder by my coach.  Not today.  Today I went balls-to-the-wall and kicked the crap out of my last few rounds, and never checked the clock.  I kept my intensity up because for the first time I saw a real competitor: a 120 pound girl that I think is pretty badass!  

Quitting

I have tried to quit this program on about 5 different occasions.  Now, two of those came during on-ramp, but those don't count.  The others happened for me a few months in.  I was a Crossfit up-and-comer (at least in my eyes).  I was coming in, abiding to the diet, and seeing results.  I only did three days a week, but I was there for every one of those days.  Brett suggested to try more days, he was seeing me progress and I think he was even a little proud of me.  I went to my first day with a new coach (Dean), and found it pretty interesting to experience Crossfit through another trainer's eyes.  I was liking this extra day, things were good.  

Then, it happened.  I was off schedule.  The next day was just a little too rough for me to make it to my WOD.  So I told myself that is was ok to miss a class.  Then it became easier to miss more classes.  Mostly for bullshit reasons.  I was tired.  I was sore.  There were maybe 2-3 real good excuses in there, but I started to fall back into that old lazy mindset.  Then, I got a little sick.  Just a little head cold.  And that was it.  I was completely off my game.

I started to blame the holidays and the fact that work has been stressful.  Even the construction of the awesome new expansion at ACF was a negative for me at that time.  December and January were bad for workouts, but I kept convincing myself that diet alone could get me the same results. In the end, they didn't.  And, without my regular workouts, I was WAY more likely to cheat on my diet. 

The most surprising thing to me, and it really surprises me EVERY TIME that it happens, is that I wanted to quit.  The absence of everything that is great about Crossfit made me feel that I didn't need it.  The cost of the program becomes an easy scapegoat.  When I approached my wife with the proposition of leaving and starting to go back to my old gym, she was disappointed.  She told me, very bluntly in fact, that nothing else I had ever tried worked.  Weight watchers -- put the weight right back, and ate some pretty crappy food along the way.  My old gym - it was a nice place for me to go and leisurely break a sweat, but again no results.  The ONLY thing she had seen work for me was Crossfit. 

Somehow, someway I got it back.  I reset my focus, and starting making up the workouts that I was just "too tired for."  I made a deal with myself that missing in the morning didn't excuse me from that day's WOD.  If I missed the Morning Mayhem class, then I made it up later in the day.  I spent a little time in the gym with Dean, Caleb, and Kevin.  They all said it was great to see me, but didn't see me there that often.  I liked the workouts, but I missed my MM lunatics!

The family aspect of this experience is the same aspect that gets attacked so frequently.  The "cult" thing.  Without my friends here, I know I would back up that 15 lbs. and possibly more!  Potentially risking my life by getting fatter and fatter.  My goals are still the same, but my path is now well defined.  I now know that I have support at home, and in the gym!

Why I need Crossfit

I recently went to another gym to do some electrical work.  In fact, it was the gym that I used to belong to before I found Crossfit.  I found myself really looking around at all the people there who were getting their workout on.  It looked boring.  It looked like they were not getting anywhere as intense of a workout that I got on a regular basis.  They seemed to be going nowhere.  There were middle-aged guys with big bellies and ripped arms.  There were the young pretty people, but they were just here to tone and maybe get laid. 

I immediately had a new feeling about my workouts and about Crossfit itself. I have been looking my whole life for a change in my health and physical appearance.  I wanted it to be easy, I wanted to see results, and I was lying to myself that it comes from 30 minutes on an elliptical machine.  My goals have been defined for a long time, it was just the path to those goals that never had that clarity.  Today, I am feeling good about my path, and know I could be doing better.  So, I will plug away, and get involved, and make myself better than yesterday.

Weights and Measures

I actually stole this picture from another blog!!!

This is actually where this whole journey began.  My Crossfit starting weight was 310lbs.  Of course now I wish I had a cool picture(that was actually mine) of it, but who the hell wants to take the before picture?!?!  So, I stole this picture from another fat guy's blog.

 (Not sure why I can't turn these the right way)

These pictures are mine, and it is where I am right now.  This particular scale was pretty accurate, but my weight can fluctuate about 8 pounds during the day.  These numbers represent a good average of the day.

Right after my on-ramp period of Crossfit, I met with KeHo about my diet.  He encouraged me to take all sorts of measurements that I wish I had now.  Well, no time like the present:

Date: 2/7/2012
Current Height:  75"

Current Weight:  295#

Right Arm: 16 1/8"

Left Arm: 16 1/8"

Right Thigh: 25 5/8"

Left Thigh: 25 3/4"

Waist: 51"

...to stay alive?!?

Between my father and his two brothers, there has been a heart attack, multiple bypass surgeries, at least 3 stents that I know about.  To say that heart disease is a small problem in my family is an understatement. 

About a year ago I was having chest pain.  Not really chest pain, but just some discomfort.  I went to my primary doctor and he gave me an EKG.  Everything was fine.  Knowing my family history, he sent me to the family cardiologist... at age 30!  This was not a good sign. 

A few months of tests and dieting attempts later, I was on drugs!  Not the fun ones, just ones that help me live.

I hate the drugs. I wish I didn't need them.  I have always found myself to be very capable, so it almost makes no sense to me that I can't get on top of this issue.  So, every night I take my drugs (and a multivitamin!) and hope that some day I can get off of them (not the vitamin).  Anyone know a good exercise program?

The beginning

So this is my blog.  As a former communication student at UMASS Amherst and SUNY Albany, I actually was taught about these crazy "web-log-thingees" and how they effect society and are a valuable part of interpersonal communication.  I believe in all that, however I really feel that most blogs suck.  I do not want to write this for anyone or use this for any social good whatsoever.  My plan is different.  I an writing this for me.

I have been a fat kid my whole life.  Well, there were a few good years there from age 0-5, but that's of little consequence.  I have struggled and dieted, and basically stayed a fat guy up to the present day.  I hope to go about changing that in a new way.  I found Crossfit from a friend, and believe it to be the one thing that is actually, possibly, able to help me in this lifelong goal.  Through this "cult", I have found myself to be stronger than I previously thought I was, and I really want this to be the start of a major change for my life. 

I am writing this blog for me.  If someone else reads it, then I hope it is not as boring as I think most blogs are.  I promise to myself to be honest, and to write like I think no one is reading this or ever will.  My own personal diary, with an added incentive to keep myself accountable to my goals.  Like my time in Crossfit, I don't know how long this will last, but I want to give the extra effort while I still want to.

 

(One of my favorite pics - me after a great workout!)